The Self-Awareness Trap
What Happens When You Mistake Self-Awareness for the End Goal and How to Move Beyond It
There is something almost intoxicating about the painfulness of self-awareness. It’s hard-earned. And we cling to the things we’ve had to fight for.
The road from self-ignorance to self-awareness is full of emotional landmines. When you really get into the nitty-gritty of seeing yourself clearly – I’m talking about the stuff you hesitate to write down in a private journal just in case someone reads it, let alone ever say out loud lest it become *more real* - progress can come to a standstill.
Self-awareness quickly begins to cast a tall shadow of self-consciousness on everything we think and do. The feeling of being clever and insightful starts to feel more like a series of swift kicks to your shins as a cycle of self-judgment and cynicism hits, paralyzing you. We took a deep look. Maybe saw things we didn’t want to see about ourselves. It was hard enough to get this far, now we’re done, right? No longer ignorant of our own faults, but still avoiding eye contact with them as much as possible.
In a lot of ways, this type of discomfort can feel safe. Familiar. Predictable. Shielding us from what else might be out there beyond what we already know. And so we get trapped here.
The False Summit
Have you ever done a big hike with a false summit? You see it in the distance, what MUST be the top, congratulating yourself mentally on the hard work you’ve put in, shaking, sweating, your pride collapsing and admitting you weren’t sure you could have gone any further, reaching for the last pop-tart you packed to bask in its crusty glory along with the panoramic views of success. A jaunty native Coloradan then passes you by on their way back down, sees the false hope in your eyes, and says, “Hang in there, just 6 more miles!”
What if self-awareness is just the false summit of a larger journey? Not meant to be the end goal at all, just a gateway. And if it’s not the end goal, then what is?
Below: my first and only “14er” circa 2018 / not pictured: the hope leaving my eyes on the false summit. Glissading down is underrated and by far the best part.
Once you’ve reached self-awareness, the real challenge is to forgive yourself for what you found there. Sit with that for a minute. To take the actions needed to authentically accept yourself.
Here are some takeaways and tools for you to explore in this process.
Want to go deeper? Learn about ways to work with me.
Takeaways + Tools + Prompts
Self-awareness is just a gateway in a larger process, not the end goal: Self-Ignorance → Self-Awareness → Forgiveness.
While crucial, self-awareness without forgiveness can lead to a cycle of cynicism and self-judgment, paralyzing progress.
Once you've reached self-awareness, the real challenge is to forgive, accept, and take action. What will you do with this newfound clarity?
Creative Project Prompt
Find items or objects from your house or environment that represent your perception of yourself in the past, in the present, and what you want to create in your future. Arrange them in a way that visually represents your journey with self-awareness. How do the things you chose interact with each other? What story do they tell together?
Comment and share what you created, or tag me in a photo or video of your work on Instagram – I'd love to see it!
Meditation Prompt
Write down 3 things that are hard to admit about yourself on 3 scraps of paper.
On a separate piece of paper, write down what makes life challenging knowing these 3 things about yourself. Then write down what life would be like if you could no longer be self-conscious of or judge yourself for these things.
Create a mantra phrase for each that resonates authentically with how you will forgive, accept, and take action moving forward based on your writing. Say it out loud as you burn or discard each of the scrap papers from Step 1. (ex. I forgive myself for allowing fear to keep me in bad situations and will honor the bravery it took to get me here by never letting fear stop me from taking necessary action again.)
Gratitude Prompt
I’m grateful for the strength to be honest with myself about who I am.
I’m grateful for each time I’m more comfortable with who I am.
I’m grateful for the things it took to get me here because they allowed me to see what I needed to see.